Defeating the Green Monster

A real woman doesn’t have to throw dirt on other women to feel more secure and better about herself

I opened up Pinterest on my phone and typed in quotes about jealousy. This one hit me hard. Attending an all girl school, considering myself a feminist and getting pride when I see a female succeed make me who I am as a female. The quote rang a bell deep inside my heart, which ricocheted all the way to my thoughts. It made me want to defeat that green monster, we as people try to avoid.

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You have a gift to offer.

Whether you know it or not, you hold potential. You offer humanity greatness. Although you might not know how to find buried treasure, or build a rocket ship your talent is ever-present regardless. It sounds corny, but I have had to tell myself this a lot these past few weeks. Considering it’s become such a common reminder for myself I decided to pop it in a blog.

I have always had an issue coming to terms with being disliked. I have a loud, pitchy voice. I am loud. I can be obnoxious when I am with the right crowd. Despite my bubbly behaviour, I would often sit and contemplate at night if I annoyed people. I wondered if I get on people’s nerves. In hindsight, this probably caused a lot of the anxiety I have today.

It took up until recently to find the courage and realise I have a talent. I provide to this table that we as humans all sit at. I love the saying that ‘a little goes a long way’. I’ve always been told it. When it comes to saving money, donating money to charity or even contributing to my assignments prior to that 24 hour rush before its due.

I wrote out this quote in my journal. After my small giggle, I realised it’s something I want to continue telling myself daily. When I think the woman at the gym thinks I’m  a wimp. When the customer at work thinks my service isn’t at the quality of a Buckingham Palace butler’s standard. I’ll tell myself this;

“I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but some people are coffee people”

I may get lucky and had the odd person who enjoys both, but some people are one or the other. This mantra alone makes me feel comfort, in knowing that someone people just don’t appreciate some of the gifts I have to offer. That’s fine though because they have their own offerings.

My gifts are important. My gifts are worthy. I don’t need clarification, and I just have to accept that there is clarification. I don’t need to provide it with the power to manipulate my response and feelings.

For example, I love writing. I hope to pursue a career writing in some way. The feeling of the pen in my hand, and the sound of my nail tips hitting the keys enthrals me. This is my gift to the world. Some people may think this gift is the equivalent of socks under a christmas tree among iPads, Tiffany Co. jewellery and a new car. However, the socks are still a gift. I intend to wear them loud, proud and with immense comfort. Regardless of what anyone else thinks.

I Miss It

The last four to five weeks have been mentally and emotionally draining for me. I have awful habits that I have come to know since things took a turn for the worst. I stare out my window for time periods of about 15 minutes waiting for that stupid, bloody grey-black ute to appear, I vacantly stare at his name on Facebook seeing if he is online, I read through old messages wondering how I lost grip of the one thing that I held so dearly.

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I Run ‘Like a Girl’ because I am a Girl!

As an energetic, eleven year-old fifth grader nothing got me more excited then kickball. Hula hoops placed on the floor for each base, soccer balls lined up and the hopeful attempt to end up on the same team as your best friends. The smell of rivalry filled the air as a bunch of children began to form strategies to beat the other side.  Continue reading I Run ‘Like a Girl’ because I am a Girl!